Back-to-School

When I was a little kid I always looked forward to the first day of school. It meant back to school shopping for clothes, shoes, supplies and hanging out with my friends. I was always equal parts anxious and excited to meet my new teacher and catch up with old friends that I haven't seen all summer long. The beginning of the school year always marked a new beginning for myself. I was a little older, a little smarter and one step further towards becoming an adult. Of course, when you are a kid, rarely do you reflect on how growing up affects your parents.

Now that I am a mother I am constantly thinking about these little people we are raising. Our goal for them is to become fully responsible, functioning adults. Every time I witness them reach a new milestone or do something for the first time my heart breaks a little. It's so bittersweet watching these little beings you brought into the world grow up into wonderful little people.

With each year that passes I realize that I will never get this season of life back. Right now we are in the thick of it, raising little children and doing all the things that come with it. Potty training, homework, after school activities, play dates, naps, bedtime routines, time outs, and first days of school.

I look forward to watching Cayden start a new school year. It takes me back to when I was his age and the excitement I had of the unknown. There is something truly special when you become a  parent. You get to experience everything from your childhood again through your children's eyes.

As, we walk Cayden to his class on the first day I can't help, but feel a knot in my stomach and a twinge of pang in my chest.  For each year I am letting go a little more of him. He is slowly getting further away from that newborn I held in my arms and whose world revolved around me. Now his friends are becoming the center of his world and I am fading into the background. I want Cayden to experience all the things life has to offer. I want him to grow up and be the best person he can be. I want him to fall in love and build a life of his own. We all want the best for our children. Just because I want what's best for him doesn't make letting go any easier.

So, this year when he turned to say goodbye to my husband and I and walked down the hall to his classroom, we stood there watching our 3rd grader let go a little bit more and a tiny piece of my heart went with.